Many times over the past few days I got asked the question of how to attract a partner. And so I decided to write down what I experience as major keys.
If you are a single woman and long for deep love and partnership, or if you find yourself involved once again with someone who can’t meet your emotional needs – then this is for you.
1. ADMIT THAT YOU WANT A RELATIONSHIP.
We as women can sometimes carry beliefs and fears around wanting a relationship or we can feel even ashamed of the desire. We think we should be ok on our own and that this deep longing for a partner means we are needy or codependent.
Buying into this toxic myth won’t get you to attract a healthy relationship. We are all human and we want to have our basic needs of closeness and intimacy met. It’s ok to long for a relationship.
2. FEEL THE LONGING.
I believe there is deep wisdom in our longing for love. Often we protect ourselves from this vulnerability of the heart. Or we are numbing ourselves because we are afraid of feeling the pain that can come with it such as memories of old heartbreaks, abandonment or maybe loneliness.
But what if instead of pushing these feelings down or distracting ourselves from fully feeling, we turn towards them and give them the love and attention they ask for? These are often very young and delicate parts of ourselves, and they desire to be held and nurtured.
3. EXPRESS YOUR DESIRE FOR A RELATIONSHIP OPENLY AND AUTHENTICALLY.
Let your family and friends know that you want a relationship. Ask other couples about how they met each other. It can be especially valuable and healing to also have this conversation with your parents.
Maybe your friends know a single man who could be a match for you – ask them. At the moment you start speaking your truth, you become more powerful than you could possibly imagine because when you speak your truth you start believing in yourself.
4. IDENTIFY YOUR RELATIONSHIP PATTERNS.
When it comes to relationships we all run programs that we picked up along the way, in our childhood or in previous relationships, such as moving into intimacy too quickly and misinterpreting sex for love.
Or turning ourselves upside down inside out in order to make things work just because we are afraid to lose love.
Perhaps we are going for emotionally unavailable men, because we fear real intimacy.
Or we are chasing the ones that don’t want us because we are addicted to this push and pull effect.
So being with someone who is available and really wants us is scary as f*uck.
5. GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY.
The pain of not having a connection is kind of the only thing that can burn deep enough to make us get out of our own way and make new empowered choices.
For some of us that might mean saying NO to a connection that feels tempting but at the core of our heart we know that t this will not work out.
Some of us might have to let go of the judgment around dating apps and get ourselves out on the market.
Others may have to let go of every single belief or concept they ever had about what a relationship should look like, get the support of a coach or take a course about love and relationships.
I hope that by sharing my wisdom I can empower and support you to find your own authentic self and ways to attract deep and healthy love into your life.
Keep me updated, and let me know what works for you.
I would love to hear from you!
The Women’s Code, my 12-week group mentoring program for single women who want to open up to deeper love and attract their heart’s soul mate, is open for enrollment! You find all the details and how to join here.